The Good Kind
by cherryXbomb
Summary: Song fic... Emma reflects upon everything that happened with Jay before she leaves for college. [ONE SHOT][EMJAY]


**Title: **The Good Kind

**Rating: **T

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Degrassi or any of the characters. I don't own the song… it belongs to The Wreckers. I own nothing actually so please, don't sue me.

**Ship: **Emjay

**Summary: **Emma reflects upon everything that happened with Jay before she heads off to college. ONE SHOTEMJAY

_'Do you wanna run away together?'  
I would say it was your best line ever.  
Too bad I fell for it..._

He offered me an escape. After the shooting and Sean, he offered me something different. He didn't see me the same way everyone else did. He saw was different so when he offered me a rid, I took it. He thought I was sexy, which is new for me. No one saw Emma Nelson as sexy. They see me as Cause Girl, saving the planet, one tree at a time.

Then at the ravine, he asked me to do... umm, that and I didn't really want to so I didn't. Instead I ran away. But he still gave me a bracelet and the next night, I did. I kept doing it, making him an escape until he turned me down after Alex dumped him. It was then I realized he didn't really see me at all.

_  
And I walked along,  
Waiting for you to come along.  
Take my tortured heart by the hand.  
And write me off._

I felt miserable after he turned me down. After the gonorrhea, I swore to everyone that I wouldn't go back. But I did. Every night I went back to se him and every night he turned me down.

I don't know why I cared so much. I didn't even like him. He was Jay Hogart, after all. That's the eqivalent of dirt or something equally meaningless. So after months of rejection, I finally stopped sneaking around to see him. Of course, Manny moving in made that a necessity but the important thing is I stopped going to see him.

_  
Do you know I cry?  
Do you know I die?  
Do you know I cry?  
And it's not the good kind..._

Ibut I couldn't stop myself from thinking about Jay. I never told anyone but I always thought about him. When Manny was asleep, I'd cry myself to sleep. I said it was Hurricane Sean but I knew it was Hurricane Jay. Only ehee was more line an earthquake... no warning and lots of damages.

I cried because I remember that he turned me donw. The only person to think I was hot turned me down and it hurt so much. There was clearly something wrong with me because Jay Hogart didn't have a reputation for having standards. I must've been ugly or something... probably too fat.

_  
You forced me to become strong.  
And I just cried, being weak._

I started puking up my food. Peter confronted me about it after we started dating and I dumped him. Peter didn't understand. It wasn't about him nor was it ever about him. I liked Peter because he distracted me from Jay.

Then Jay found out what I was doing and he told me I was crazy. He called me beautiful and sat with me at the park while I cried.

"Emma, you're the strongest person in Toronto. You're the strongest person I know," he said. "What you're doing is stupid and it's not you."

Those words, those three sentences, made me get help.

_  
And you think you know.  
And I would like to think so,  
But do you know that when you go,  
I fall apart._

Then he left Toronto. I didn't hear from him for months and it killed me. Again, it wasn't as if I cared about him at all. He was lower than low. I repeated that everyday in my head. It was my mantra. It kept me from totally falling apart.

_  
Do you know I cry?  
Do you know I die?  
Do you know I cry?  
And it's not the good kind.  
No, it's not the good kind..._

I started grade 12 swearing to myself that I was over Jay. He wasn't worth the mantra or the tears. I got into a new relationship with the new guy, Jared. Jared learned everything about me. He knew about Sean and Jay and Peter and even my sordid history with Chris. He became everything to me.

I gave him my virginity and then he dumped me. It broke my heart and I spent many nights crying on Manny's shoulder. Mom and Dad let me cry to them too. (They had recovered from the Ms. Hatzilakos deacle and were stronger than ever.) But it didn't help. No number of tears could erase the pain.

_  
I'm tired of hiding behind these lying eyes,  
I'm tired of this smile that even I don't recognize._

I got so depressed after Jared that I graduated mid-term. I started University in the states in the spring. I needed an escape from Toronto, from Canada. I needed a fresh start. But I'm Emma Nelson, so nothing goes as planned for me. Because in my fresh start, Jay Hogart appeared.

It was my first day of class and there was only one open seat. I took it and didn't bother looking at the guy next to me. Instead, I looked at my binder with the big Greenpeace sticker.

"Greenpeace?" the guy asked.

"It's an environmental organization," I answered without looking up.

"No," he said. "Emma Nelson?"

I looked up and saw Jay looking at me. There had to be a mistake. Jay Hogart in college. That didn't happen. He dropped out of high school. Okay so he was expelled but that's not the point. How did he get into college. I really didn't understand.

"Jay?" I muttered, in case it was a trick of the light or an illusion projected from my imagination.

"Yeah," he replied.

Oh My God.

_  
Do you know I cry?_

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"After we talked in the park, I thought about it. I needed to begin again so I moved here with my dad. I got my GED and applied to college. I got in so here I am." He sighed. "What are you doing here?"

_  
Do you know I die?_

I told him the whole story about Jared. I told him about graduating semester and leaving. I told him everything. We finally stopped talking when the teacher entered the room and took roll call. We made plans to meet in the dining hall to talk later.

We met and I felt a spark of the old Emma come alive inside of me. I cried on his shoulder for the second time and he stroked my hair. He actually comforted me which I never thought he could've been able to do.

_  
Do you know I cry?_

We met for dinner every night. We sat with different people sometimes but it was always me and Jay. Finally, one night at dinner, he found me and led me to a table for two. On it was a single white rose.

"Emma?" he asked, looking me straight in the eyes.

"Yeah," I replied.

"I love you. You're the whole reason I pulled my act together. I wanted to be good enough for you so one day I could come back to Toronto and have you love me too."

"You are good enough," I whispered.

We kissed and then went to get our dinner. By the end of summer, I was Emma Hogart. And for once, Mom, Dad, and Manny all approved… even if it was Jay.

_  
And it's not the good kind..._


End file.
